Pained

Shit!! Why should I be their daughter? Why not another? Why should I live in a family like that? No, it’s not a family. It’s a hell. Why should I have parents like them? Why me? Why not Lusy, Tya, or Bella? Why couldn’t I be like them? To be like Lusy who is always spoiled by her parents and gets everything she asked. To be like Tia who is always given love and affections by their parents. To be like Bella who gets freedom but still always in her dad and mom’s attention. Why me, God? Why?

I drive my Ferrari as fast as possible, without any direction. I don’t know where I have to go. An old man curses me because I brush his bicycle, but I don’t care. I increase my speed again and again. I’m lucky because the street is quiet, otherwise I may be dead. Death, it may be better than living with full of finance without anyone cares. Dad, mom, they all are just the same. They go early morning and go home when the cock is crowing. Not only that, they always quarrel all time around the house, makes me not feeling home. Have they ever thought about me? About their only daughter who always miss their love and affection.

I have just arrived in the town square. I don’t know why I’m here. I move my car to the left side and leave it there. I go out to whiff the fresh air, walking to the long desk under the tree. May be  by sitting there I can feel calm. But I’m still confused, nausated. I angry. I hate them very much, I hate my mom, my dad. I can feel my tears in my eyelid, but I cannot cry. No, I’m forbidden to cry. I take a deep breath then try to be calm.

It’s 7.45 in the morning. I look around,  in my left side I see a group of people wearing yellow, they sweep and clean the park with joking, laughing. They laugh, while I’m pained and it’s so poignant. In front of me, a women looks busy preparing her trade. I know that she works for her family, for her daughter who is sittinng next to her. And  I aware, my dad and mom also work for their family, for me, their only child. But it’s not what I want. They let me full of  finance, neglect me without any love and affection. I see many beggars around me, with their miserable face and old faded dress they ask coin to everyone across. I really see the opposite of my life. Without any asking and order my parents will give me much of Dollar in my bill. But I don’t need that, I just need my parent love and attention. Should I beg  to get them? Oh God, I ought to thank you. But should I thank because living in a family which I like to call it a hell?

A woman, looks like a young mother, comes to me. Her blue dress is very tidy. She brings an elegant black bag in her hand, and I see a small box there, it’s like a birthday present. The women sits next to me and invite me to chat. She is a mother, she wants to go to her son school to give him a present because her son get the best grad in his class. A very shorth chatting, but I don’t know why, I feel so pained. Maybe because I’m jealous with her son, certainly. I never get a present from my parent like him, altough I’ve ever get the best grad in my school, because they don’t know that, they never care me. What a hell with them. Will they care me? When? They only care about finance. That’s what I know.

I look at a restaurant, not far in front of me. A black Bugatti comes in parking area. I guess I know that car. A man wearing a coat comes out, I see gray hairs in his head. He turns around, then opens the left dor. He takes a beautiful women with him. I’m stressed and really shocked. The woman next to me is aware what I feel. She tells me that the woman I’m looking at is a whore or prostitute who likes to date with old men. That’s a common thing she said. She also tells me not to be shocked. But I don’t care what the woman said. I don’t care who the woman I see is. I don’t care whether she is a whore or prostitute, I don’t care. And I’ll never care about that. What I think and makes me shocked is that man. The man who wears a coat and has gray hairs on his head is someone I casually call him ‘dad’. Yes, he is my dad, and I’m really sad, shocked. And once more, I’m pained.