The window was open when I came and got
closer. But I heard no sound, nobody inside I guess. I just kept standing in the doorstep,
waiting. I was trying to call someone, but I didn’t know who I should call. I was still standing, trying to
knock the door, again I heard no one.
I decided to come in, although I never knew
what kind of place it was. I did not know whether it’s a house, or just a room.
But it looked neither like a house nor a room. I just often saw it, there, in
my dream.
I opened the door, walked alone into the room.
There were many things I knew well. That pictures which hang on the dirty wall,
the soft sofa bed which I always laying down, and the floor, yes that was the
glossy green floor which I often lay my clothes there.
I never came here. I just knew it well. It was
the place which I always saw in my dream. The dream that I always met the girl
who could make me feeling high, as high as a flying cloud in the sky. There, on
the lilywhite bed, she always sat looking at me. Telling me how wonderful story
hidden on the pictures which she put in her classic picture frames. She
sometimes came close to me, whispering me something funny. I guess I like her
so much, but I didn’t know who she was. Perhaps she was the girl who was fated
to accompany me, or was she the girl that I would met in my future? Or was she my girl on the past?. I never
knew, and could not remember.
I walked around the room, looking for her and
something that could make me find her. I was in a total confusion. And I need
her smile I guess, her smooth hand touch caressing me warmly. But where was
she? I didn’t see her, I could not find. It had been a long time, I didn’t see her in my dream, again. I was
glad to be here, wishing
that she would see me smiling blissfully because I would see her lucent eyes.
And it was not a dream. I could feel that it was so real. I could touch the
door, the window, the sofa. I could step on the floor. I could smell the scent.
I could feel it.
I had looked for her in the room, but I didn’t
find. Where were you, baby? I missed you so bad, and I did need you much. I was
trying to find her out side. I went out from the room. Maybe I could find her
there, I thought. I knew I never saw her outside the room in my dream. I was
just trying to find. I would keep finding, or just waiting till she came.
I walked again. I saw my way home, there, in
front of me. But I still wanted to be here, waiting the girl. I walked again
and again. And I trod something slippery. Then I fell.
My head collided with a hard thing, and it was so sick. I closed my eyes, felt
it.
I was surprised, when I opened my eyes I was in my own home, my own
room. I was sitting in front of my cup board, holding my sick head. Oh shit, I
thought it was a real, Apparently it’s still a dream. And I felt I lose her.
I saw something I knew
well next to my feet. A picture frame with a picture inside. It had just fell
from the top of the cup board. I took it. I saw her in the picture. And it was
really really her. She was so beautiful, sitting on a chair which I knew too.
She sat with a smiling little boy. And I knew him too. That’s me, the young me.
I knew. It was the picture that my father always wanted to give me before he
passed away. He said that was my picture and my mom who I never knew where she
was since I was so young. I always promised to my dad that I would find her.
I knew her, I missed. I
promised to find her, bringing her back to my hug. For me and for my father
there.
Malang, june 2012
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